


Everything Beyond

by sinecure



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-23 02:07:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinecure/pseuds/sinecure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orihime watches her lover sleep, but she has things other than sleep in mind when her thoughts drift in a certain direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Beyond

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach.  
> A/N: This is the first anime/manga that I've ever written fic for--I'm relatively new to the genre--so forgive me if I get things wrong here and there. (feel free to point them out to me)  
> A/N: This fic takes place a few years after the Hueco Mundo arc. It veers from canon in order to make Orihime of age. I'm not caught up on the manga--I'm slowly reading it--but I am on the anime, so it's all made up, folks. I've taken a few liberties about things I don't know for sure and things that fit the plot. Shunsui has a bed, not a futon. Shinigami and humans can't procreate. Though I tried to keep them in character, I'm sure I westernized them without meaning to. I'm not familiar with the Japanese language, so let me know if I mangled it all horribly.  
> A/N2: (shaddup already, right? Sorry) I wrote this from a lyric from Jewel's Two Become One. Yeah, I know. Anyway, it's in the beginning in italics.  
> 

_I watch you while you're sleeping, messy hair, chest bare, moonlight on your skin, I wanna breathe you in_

Orihime ran her eyes slowly over Shunsui's bare leg and hip. Neither was tucked under the covers hugging her own body because he tended to splay a lot.

Grinning, she peered deeper into the gloom, trying to get a better look at him, but they were all that were visible to her in his quarters; everything beyond them was darkness. She felt like they were on a small boat instead of a bed, lost at sea at night, adrift on the lonely waters. Nothing but the two of them. She didn't mind at all, because his presence kept the loneliness at bay, far away from the two of them.

It was only when she was back in the real world that she felt that loneliness creep into her bones again.

Lying on her side, head in hand, her dark hair stark against the white sheets beneath them, she breathed in a deep breath, feeling content. The single shaft of moonlight drifting through the window slid across his body, gentle as a snowflake as she watched him sleep. It wandered steadily up his side and chest, leaving the rest to her imagination.

She had a rich imagination, but she didn't need it. She'd seen him in every state of dress and undress.

Sliding her hand over his hip, she reveled in the feel of his soft, warm flesh and bone. Felt hard muscle. He was beautiful. One of her new favorite pastimes was to watch Shunsui. He was graceful and measured, deliberate in all things... even drinking.

There wasn't a single thing about him that reminded her of Kurosaki-kun, and for that she was grateful. Thoughts of her former love had no place between them.

Stomach muscles fluttering as his did the same beneath her skimming fingertips, she bit her lip, remembering the feel of his hipbones and belly pressed against hers earlier in the evening. Remembered the feel of him moving in her. The press of his chest against hers as the cool air wrapped around them.

It made her skin tingle and tighten.

His stomach was so hard and ridged with muscle, his body defined by years of fighting. But it was as soft as his touch when he teased her into a frenzy. She was working on getting over her embarrassment about showing her pleasure at his hands. She felt so open and exposed while they had sex.

But he always made her feel like she was being silly for not enjoying herself. For not showing him that enjoyment.

He was right. She should revel in it, take it by both hands and-- oh. Somehow, her hands had drifted to where her mind had taken her. Her fingers were wrapped around him, knuckles brushing against his bare thighs. They were covered in hair, as was his chest. And she found that sexy, though she wasn't sure why.

Smiling around her teeth, which were still worrying her lower lip, she felt a surge of power go through her. Shunsui usually instigated their lovemaking. She'd never...

Could she?

Glancing at him, feeling her belly tighten and her heart speed up, she decided that, yes, she could.

Her hair brushed his leg and abdomen as she leaned over, pressing a light kiss to his hipbone. He was ticklish there, so she didn't linger too long, but she couldn't resist placing her lips there again before moving on. Sliding a warm kiss along the skin closer to his belly, wetting it with her mouth, she tasted him.

Salty. Something else too, something that was all him. Never had she smelled or tasted anything close to it before. It was intoxicating and she wanted more. Always wanted more of him. Since the first moment they'd kissed, from the moment he'd looked at her--really looked at her--like a person, like someone worthy of his attention and not just as someone who needed saving, she'd wanted more of him. She couldn't taste him enough.

Maybe one day she would, though, hopefully, not any time soon.

Tongue sliding across his hip to just above his abdomen, she felt him tense and then relax. He was awake. She mouthed his skin with more purpose, tasting and nipping, sliding and kissing. Her hand moved slowly up his cock.

Cock.

She liked that word.

Before Shunsui, she'd never had the nerve to say it out loud, let alone beg someone to put it inside her already. Since Shunsui, she'd done that every time they were together. He liked to tease. Raising an eyebrow, she stroked his shaft again. Just once.

She liked to tease too.

"Orihime." It was a whisper in the dark, a teasing chastisement. She could imagine his expression. Eyes on her, hand itching to thread into her hair. Mouth open, breath uneven. Lowered brow, which she found oddly endearing.

She finally looked up at him to find him exactly as she'd imagined. "Shunsui-kun... may I taste your cock?" It was a demure question with eyes that were anything but. She knew what she was doing. That he was becoming more and more aroused merely from the words spilling from her lips.

Cock.

He liked that word too.

Growing hard in her hands, he slid his eyes shut for a moment in something akin to bliss before nodding. He could see her perfectly well in the dim room. She was lying over his lower body, hair partially curtaining his view of what she was doing, though he could feel it just fine if his rapid arousal was anything to go by.

The shaft of moonlight had traveled another inch, but it still covered his chest, which was spattered with hair. She liked his chest. Running the fingers of her free hand up his torso, scraping her nails along his skin, she licked her lips in preparation. And saw him draw in a preparatory breath.

Anticipation.

She felt it too and quickly lowered her mouth to him.

His eyes never left hers. He liked to watch.

He stayed focused as she opened her mouth and kissed the tip, sucking on it a little bit like a treat she'd been craving and wanted to taste before having at it completely. His body tensed beneath her, cock hardening even more, growing in a way that always amazed her. His whole body was amazing to her.

Sliding one hand down to his balls, she palmed them and cupped them, closing her eyes a little at the warm weight of his flesh. The oddest things about his body turned her on. Squeezing lightly, she darted another look up at him.

Teasing.

His lazy eyes watched her, enjoying the playful foreplay. The small smile on his lips fed something in her. She quit teasing him briefly and gave him what they both wanted. She slid him inside her wet mouth with her cheeks hollowed out.

Shunsui moaned.

Though she was teasing him to make him crazy, it was affecting her too. It was making her hot and needy. She was wet from the smell and taste and feel of him.

Slowly moving her mouth up and down on him a few times, she watched him right back. The fluttering in her belly mirrored his tensing. It was such a beautiful thing to watch his languid eyes darken and soften. Another shaft of moonlight pierced the branches outside, lighting up the gloom of his quarters. It caressed his cheek and part of his lips, slanting across his face with a brilliant blue that sapped the color from his tanned skin, and laid pale his long, dark hair.

It was free of its usual tie and pins. No hat. Just his lovely, eager gaze.

She stopped for a moment, cock in her mouth, looking back at him.

His brows lowered into a near-frown as she slowly slid him from between her lips, trailing a bit of saliva. "Yare, yare, you're not stopping there, I hope?"

Wiping her mouth with her fingers, her smile rose on one side as her eyes dropped to her hand, which encased him tightly. Instead of answering, she straddled his legs and leaned over to stroke him two-fisted. He was big. She didn't have anything to compare him to, but she knew he felt huge inside her and just the memory of it made her muscles clench around the nothing filling her.

Her panties would be damp if she were wearing any.

"Oh, no," she confirmed, stroking one hand after another before moving them in unison. The foreskin moved with her, sliding smoothly along his length and covering the tip. "I have no intention of stopping there." Dipping down, she pressed a kiss to his thigh, then the side of his cock, tongue slipping out to taste. Higher, on his hip. His abdomen. She traced the path of hair up as her hands played with him. He was watching her still. Her own eyes couldn't have left his if a hollow had attacked them. "Or here."

Another kiss. Another tickle of her tongue and lips.

"I'm delighted," he murmured, hands fisting the sheets beneath him.

Her lips moved to his nipple, flicking it, nibbling it. She bit it and pulled lightly, not surprised when he groaned and released the covers to hold his hand to the back of her head. He was finally touching her and she wanted to purr. "Not even here."

Inarticulate noises left his throat and she felt so empty without him to fill her up.

Her hair brushed his chest and stomach, sliding off of her back as she crawled a little higher up his legs, getting some of the friction she craved. The cool air danced around her naked body, but his hand staved it off, warming her as it slid down to thread into her hair. His fingers grasped harder as she sucked on his nipple. She wanted more still. To feel so much more of him.

Her breasts pressed against his skin, the hairs on his chest tickling and scratching her. She knew he liked that too.

Men had a fascination with her breasts. She knew they were oversized. But Shunsui's chest pleased her more than the large mounds on her own body. She wriggled on him a bit, sending pulses of pleasure through her from the rough hairs brushing against her sensitive flesh. It made her squirm more. Pulling free of his chest with a soothing lick, she saw his eyes follow her face but drop to her breasts. His chest glistened where the moonlight hit it and it made her clench in vain again.

She wanted to beg for his cock already, and she'd only just begun.

Grabbing his hand from where it clutched the sheets, she pressed it to her chest, then slid it lower, not giving him time to play with the nipples as he liked to do. As she liked him to do. Sliding his callused hand down, she pressed it between her legs. "Touch me," she begged, eyes heavy-lidded in anticipation.

"Anything you want, Orihime." He sat up and pulled his hand free, cupping her face to bring her in for a wet, messy kiss. The hair on his face tickled her. A whimper escaped her at the soft, tender kisses followed by hard, desperate ones. He seemed to take that as a cue and slid his hand back down, sliding one long finger into her wet folds.

"Shun-- that's... please." She had no idea what she was saying, but she wanted to beg him to continue, to please never stop, to slide his cock into her instead. But her lips wouldn't work more than to push out a few words here and there. Her mind was turning to mush along with her body. He stroked two fingers in her, eyes fastened on hers.  
She rose up and down, riding his hand, nails clutching his biceps. Wishing she could tell him, explain the way he made her feel, she opened her mouth, but all that came out was a whimper of pleasure.

His hair fell forward, his soft smile growing wider. There was a look in his eyes, so warm and tender. So sweet.

Then his fingers slid deeper, stroking faster and she lost her last train of thought. Gripping his hair, she drew him back down for a kiss and he pulled his hand free, pressing an extra kiss to her lips to soothe her disappointment at the loss.

"Impatient."

She was. She always was.

But her impatience left her a little when he slid his fingers into his mouth, sucking on them with obvious pleasure. Her stomach muscles tightened at the sight, doing a little flip-flop. Pulling them free of his lips with a slow, deliberate look, he cradled the back of her head, pulling her in for another kiss like before, cupping her face and putting all of his need into the simple action.

She tasted herself on his tongue and it made her moan desperately, regaining her impatience.

They were suddenly both so hungry for each other. Releasing his hair, she wrapped her arms around his back and neck, touching, sliding, caressing every inch she could as he opened his mouth on hers again and again.

The ends of his hair brushed her breasts and it gave her a secret thrill.

Their breaths grew loud in the silent room, accompanied by her whimpers and his grunts. His hips began to rise, searching, seeking. As desperate as she'd been for his fingers?

"Very impatient," she muttered, lifting herself up and positioning the tip of his cock against her folds. She was thankful there was no need for a condom, because she didn't think she could stop now.

They both drew to a halt as she slid down a little. Orihime delighted in the sensations pouring over her body.

Like waves on an ocean shore, battering at her in a warm, pleasant way.

The hard feel of him sliding into her was almost too much. She had to keep pausing as she seated herself in his lap. This wasn't a position they'd tried before, but she thought she might like it.

He bucked up into her, grabbing her left thigh and hiking it higher.

"Shun-- oh!" It was overwhelming and too deep. He stopped, forehead pressed against hers.

"Relax." Fingers stroking her leg, he drew back a little, waiting for her to adjust. His other hand threaded into the back of her hair, holding her still. "Relax and breathe." His breath gently burst over her face.

The urge to flee slowly faded as she relaxed and focused on breathing with him. "It hurts a little." She didn't whimper, so that was good.

Shunsui nodded and smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry. We can try another position if you'd like?"

"It's not that bad." Her lips curled up as she lifted her eyes to his slow-blinking gaze. "I have no intention of ever stopping, you know."

His lips curved up into the beautiful smile she loved so much and he pulled back. "I like the sound of that."

"And I like the sound you make when I do this...." Clenching around him, she moved up his length experimentally, testing for pain or discomfort. There was none.

Shunsui drew in a harsh breath followed by an even harsher grunt when she slid down again.

Resting her forehead on his again, she closed her eyes and smiled. The sound of his voice torn from him so unexpectedly, as if he were caught off guard and had no control, hit her like a warm breeze on a cool spring day.

"Mm. Even more than when I do this?" he asked, moving his hand up her leg to open her wider. His fingers slid down to where they were joined, brushing against her clit a few times, sending waves of pleasure through her. Eyes flying open, she bucked forward. He smiled and did it again. "Beautiful Orihime."

It was a simple statement, but it filled her with a lazy, somersaulting in her belly. Tenderness settled in her chest. "Handsome Shunsui." His answering smile made her chest tighten and her belly flop harder. Sliding up his length again, she pushed her hair off of her shoulder, wanting to feel all of him that she could.

This thing they were doing, whatever it was, it was secret and erotic. She'd been so innocent when it began.

Neither remembered how that was.

Shunsui had looked at her like a person, like someone who could actually contribute. As much as she loved Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san and Ishida-san and Sato-san... they thought her a damsel in distress. She was more than that. Her powers were growing and she had a job. She fought hollows, she healed the injured and she fought.

None of them could say that.

One night while Orihime was visiting Rangiku-san, she'd gone out drinking with her. Shunsui had too much sake and she'd had too much of feeling inferior. She thought maybe she'd kissed him first, but neither could remember for sure. And now, after the months they'd been together, it didn't matter. Her innocence had been turned into experience and pleasure. Shunsui had shown her a new world that she wouldn't give back for anything.

Her chest tightened again and she gasped out a sound that she couldn't describe. Wordless and without thought; filled with tenderness.

She settled on Shunsui's lap, tensing to move again. They moved as one, eyes locked as they... made love? She still couldn't bring herself to call it fucking. As far as she'd come in her sexuality, calling what they did fucking didn't feel right. But making love? Did she love him?

She didn't know.

Was it love that made her adore the big bear of a man who often held her like the most delicate figurine while praising her fighting skills? Was it love that made her so eager to see him that, after just a day or two apart, she barely waited until they were alone before ripping his clothes off? She loved listening to him talk about what he'd seen and done since last they'd parted, loved watching him talk and listening to him describe things in his lazy way.

But love? What she felt for Shunsui felt nothing like what she'd felt for Kurosaki-kun. It felt like she'd loved Kurosaki-kun her whole life and maybe she had. That'd been different though.

As Shunsui drew both of her legs apart and lifted her higher on his lap, she panted at the pleasure shooting through her body like rockets during a fireworks display. It was exciting and filled her with almost unbearable warmth.

The thought of doing these things with Kurosaki-kun had never crossed her mind. Her fantasies about him had been innocent and romantic, filled with sweet kisses and pretty words. Handholding and evenings watching the sun set. Writhing on Kurosaki-kun had never entered her mind. Doing this-- fucking Kurosaki-kun... that wasn't something that she had ever wanted.

What she felt now, looking at Shunsui, feeling his hands cup her face and his lips open on hers with such hunger and passion, wasn't the same as the love she'd felt for Kurosaki-kun.

It might not be the same, but it was strong and heated and she really never wanted it to stop. Maybe someday in the distant future, when she was old and wrinkled and he was still young and beautiful, maybe then she'd decide she couldn't have him any longer, but until then, she wanted _this_ every night. Every day.

"So intent," he murmured against her lips. His thumb worried her forehead. "Am I not entertaining enough for you?" He winked and thrust up into her as he held her in place. One of his hands lifted to her chest, palming her breasts and pinching the nipples, causing electric jolts of pleasure to clench her belly and folds.

Tenderness swept through her again, rising with the heat of his touches.

"Mm. That's mildly interesting, I suppose." Arching her back, she rose and fell on him in a quick, clumsy pace that only lasted a few strokes. Trying to be sexy and fighting giggles at the deflated look on his face wasn't conducive to getting the job done. "Maybe you could try... harder?" Her smile grew as his grey eyes got darker.

A shiver went through him.

He was so easy.

Hands at her waist, he gripped her tightly--she loved the feel of his large, warm hands spanning her waist--then dipped his head to one breast, just wetting the nipple with his mouth for a moment before sucking and nipping as she'd done earlier.

It didn't last though. A few seconds later, he was pulling back again. Then his nails dug into her thighs and he began thrusting up with urgency. Something in his eyes had changed and there was a tenseness about him.

She wasn't quite sure what it was. When he blinked, it was gone and he was just Shunsui with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"I don't know, Orihime, you know how I dislike hard work. I've always been content to lie back and let others take the lead." His hands dropped from her and he lay back on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. She had to steady herself on his lap and clutch his waist as he moved. His smile stayed fixed on his lips, but she heard the small groan he let out.

"Lazy," she chastised, slapping his abdomen lightly. "Leaving all the hard work for me." Clenching around his cock, tasting the word in her mind, she cupped her breasts, making sure his gaze was on her hands. Each pinch and roll of her nipples sent a jolt straight to her clit. Rolling her hips, she arched her back again, enjoying his enjoyment of her performance. Soaring pleasure rippled in her stomach with each rotation of her hips.

She leaned back, fisting the sheets beneath him and began to move in earnest.

"Whatever will I do with myself?" The teasing tone of her voice was low and sexy and like nothing she'd ever imagined coming from her lips. But it _was_ her and it excited Shunsui. His mouth, parted and panting, closed briefly, just long enough for him to wet his lips and drop his eyes to where her hand was sliding from her breast to her clit.

He bucked up into her and she knew it hadn't been intentional. He was losing control.

That was something else she liked.

"All work and no play makes Orihime a very sexy woman."

The words were less than clever, pushed out between breathless noises, but neither one minded. His hands were fisted under his head and his hips kept rocking up. Harder inside her. Sending him deeper. He felt so good, buried within her folds, with her hand rubbing her clit and his eyes watching her.

It was erotic and hot having a man watch her touch herself.

Never in her wildest fantasies had that scenario occurred to her. Never anything beyond soft kisses and the setting sun with handholding. Nothing beyond orange hair and kind eyes; her own protective hero, ready to save anyone at a moment's notice. That was her old fantasy.

This was her new one.

Dropping forward, getting her knees under her, she clutched the bed covers and raised and lowered herself on him at a pace that sent heat and tingling, throbbing, pleasure deep inside her. "No work makes me cranky. I like work," she gasped out. He felt so good, filling her up, so deep. "I like--"

Her whole body shook with the force of her approaching orgasm. Toes burning, curling them tight, she rode him hard. So hard. His legs lifted, bending at the knees.

"I like _this_." Shunsui's fingers threaded into her hair, which swayed with her every movement, brushing his chest. "And _this_." He palmed a jiggling breast, lightly squeezing it, making her cry out. "I really like _this_. Darting up from his relaxed position, he grabbed her tight, rolled them over and paused atop her, listening to her breathless giggles.

His arm slid behind her, holding her close.

"I think you just like me."

The look was back and he began to move slowly, sweetly. His hair dropped over one shoulder. It brushed her neck and chest and she shivered as he brushed hers back.

She'd never seen anything more beautiful than this. It was his feelings, shining dark and intense in his expression, in his eyes, dancing on his lips. There was something hot and sexy and so touching about the moment.

He steadily rocked into her.

Clumsily wrapping her arms around his biceps, wanting to touch him, she felt the muscles straining beneath her fingertips. So much movement and work went into such a simple thing; holding one's body up. Sweat dripped down his temple. "So much effort," she teased, reaching up to fist her hand in his hair. It was soft and fragrant. Different from the roughness of the rest of his body.

Thrusting up, she brought him down for a kiss that was eager and filled with need.

She needed... so much.

But, specifically, what she needed was Shunsui. He filled her body as well as something in her heart. She was close. So close. Toes, legs, fingers. Burning. Tingling. Need. His intent gaze.

Her body began to clench around him desperately as ecstasy neared, barreling through her like kido through a hollow. It was rough, unlike him. Down and dirty. Hard and... and... throwing her hips up, she reached, stretched, desperately tried to grab a hold of it.

It was right there, so close. Higher and higher her hips went, seeking.

Almost there.

His pace was thrown off, which made him lose control. He drove into her harder, reaching down to rub her clit. "Come, Orihime. I want to see you come again. I always want to see you come--"

His voice made little explosions burst all over. "Shunsui!" She was almost there. "Mm! God... oh." Nearly. "Oh... fuck!" Almost. "I-- I can't... harder, please, Shun! Please!"

Instead of concentrating on her clit some more as she'd begged, he pistoned into her with no rhythm. No pace. Just a punishing strength that swallowed her cries with his repeated grunts.

"Oh, god, your cock... s-- so hard." She was mumbling and babbling out words and sounds, fighting to keep herself from coming. It was too soon. She wanted to keep control this time.

"Now," he told her, begged her, straining, fighting with his own control.

It was too soon.

She wanted him to come first. Stopping him with her hands on his shoulders, she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Fuck me, Shun. I need you to fuck me."

Fucking.

That wasn't what they did. It'd never been what they did. They'd had sex in the beginning, but somewhere along the line it'd turned into lovemaking, but tonight, this time, at this very moment, when he was hard inside her and looking like a man in the desert dying of thirst, she needed Shunsui to lose control and fuck her hard and fast.

It might... it might....

Running her hand down his chest, she pulled him down to her again. "Please."

His eyes searched hers for a moment. There was hesitation there, but not in her. He stopped her hand from moving any lower and she wanted to scream at him. But then he cupped her face, kissing her softly. His fingers threaded through her hair, then cupped her face again.

And again.

And again.

The kiss was soft and slow and everything she didn't want right now. "Shun...."

He pulled back and looked at her.

One second.

An eternity. Her body was screaming for release.

Two seconds.

She whimpered, seeing him waver.

Three seconds.

Rocking her hips up, she clenched around him, clawing her nails down his back, using every trick she knew to get him moving again. But he held still inside her, warm and hard and unmoving.

Four seconds.

Shunsui's lips thinned in a way she'd never seen before. Angry? Disappointed?

Five seconds.

He tensed to leave her and she clutched at him desperately. Then he pulled free, sliding his cock out of her folds, making her whimper in pleasure and loss.

Hands releasing her, he stared at her dispassionately. "Get on your knees. In front of me."

Relief poured through her with the speed of a shunpo. He wasn't going to leave her wanting and desperate. Half up and half in tears, she quickly climbed to her knees, dipping the bed down. The sheet caught in her foot and she fought to untangle it, darting a glance up at his face. It was impassive, as if he were watching a small cloud cross the sky rather than his lover position herself in front of him.

She felt guilty for making him do this, though she wasn't sure why he didn't want to. She just... she wanted... it was because of Kurosaki-kun in a way, and that stabbed her through the chest with guilt and betrayal. It was because of who he'd made her into, through no fault of his own.

This was for the best.

Getting on her hands and knees, she felt a little foolish, but then she figured it was her own fault for wanting this. If this was how he wanted to fuck her, then she wanted it too. Anything he wanted, she did. And that was the problem. She glanced over her shoulder at him. He hadn't moved.

"Shun."

Even now, with him watching her with strangely empty eyes, his name was like a balm to her nerves. Like a prayer to a god. Or a wish uttered in private. She felt calmer with it on her lips.

Something in him softened a little, but it was gone again as he moved closer. The bed dipped under his weight, creaking in the still night air. The shaft of moonlight illuminated one side of his face, keeping most of him in shadows and darkness. While before she'd felt safe and protected by his presence in the lonely darkness, now, she felt alienated and alone.

Bending to rest her forearms on the bed, she dropped her head to her hands. It wasn't helping. None of this was helping. She still--

Losing herself wasn't a choice she could ever make. The first time had been a gradual loss; this time, it'd be something she chose to do. And she couldn't.

Shunsui's hands settled around her waist with no tenderness or teasing. He was businesslike, and that made tears prick her eyes. The wall in front of her, plain and white and invisible to her now, felt like a million miles away... as out of reach as he now was. Loving someone shouldn't be this hard, this dangerous.

His warm body pressed against her backside and she felt his cock against her ass. She still wanted him like this, still needed him to do this, but it was useless to think this was doing anything but hurting them both. She should put a stop to it.

Then his hands spread her legs further apart and his fingers slid into her wet folds a few times.

She was dripping and clenching.

So eager and needy. She wanted nothing more than to turn and take it all back, but that wasn't an option. Becoming who she was meant to be was important to her now. Now more than ever before after Kurosaki-kun.

Shunsui's fingers slipped free and his body shifted. His cock replaced his fingers and pushed into her. He didn't take his time or go a little at a time, he just entered her and began to move. Hard and fast. Fucking her.

His fingers dug into her waist and pain blossomed. It hurt and felt wonderful.

Squeezing around him, pushing back against him, she vowed not to lose herself again. Little whimpers left her throat with each thrust, little tremors shaking her body and soul with every grunt that left his lips. He moved quickly, with short strokes. Her fingers clutched the sheets, fisting them tight. Though he seemed opposed to this, he was as close to coming as she was. Clenching her teeth, feeling her hair slide down to the bed, she rocked backward, concentrating on coming.

That's all she wanted now.

It was just fucking, nothing more than that. She could believe it if she thought it enough. Her feelings for Shunsui were pushed aside, making way only for pleasure. He didn't like this, and she was sorry about that, but her heart--

"Inoue...."

\--her heart broke into two large pieces. One that loved Shunsui and the other that couldn't let her love him.

His voice sounded strained and his pace slipped again. He was close. Strokes shortening even more, he clenched her hair in one hand and pushed into her with hard, jerky thrusts. Moans and grunts and whimpers accompanied the sounds of their bodies slapping together and their harsh breathing.

Her whimpers. Pain and pleasure.

His pace slowed as her voice rose higher. Despite everything, she was going to come. His cock filled her and slid out, filled her and slid out. Reaching down to rub her clit, wanting it all over with now, she was surprised when his hand knocked hers out of the way and began to rub her quickly.

His body settled over hers and he was barely moving in her now, just harsh little jerks of his cock into her. Wild, uncontrolled. Just like she'd wanted. She knew his face, knew what he looked like as he came, and like him, she liked to watch him. Turning her head, she saw the strain on his face. The way his teeth gritted together. The tightness of his jaw.

His eyes dropped to hers and then moved away again.

She stopped moving, stopped breathing, and stopped thinking of anything except his rejection. Breath leaving her shakily, she felt _him_ leave her. He rose up, leaving the warmth of her back and grabbed her waist again. He thrust into her harder and harder, almost painfully at this angle, but she didn't stop him. Couldn't have if she'd wanted to because her body demanded he keep going.

And then, suddenly, he was coming.

His body shook and bucked into her backside, cock throbbing and pulsing in waves. She felt his release, felt his nails dig into her, felt the way he desperately held her to him. Each little quake against her pushed her higher on the bed until she could just glimpse the start of the wall. His grunting voice fought the words that were trying to form and ended with nothing recognizable.

Leaning heavily on her as he continued to pump his seed into her, continued to jerk wildly and then more slowly, his hands loosened. His breath gasped out. His eyes still avoided her.

But his fingers continued to rub her.

Thinking of previous times they'd made love--how could she not have known?--the times he'd held her close and whispered her name and pressed loving kisses to her neck and shoulder, feeling his cock still hard within her, she rode his hand. His other fingers cupped her breasts, playing with the heft and weight of them, squeezing and pulling the nipples.

A small, hot press of his lips to the middle of her back. A tickle of his hand on the underside of her breast. It wasn't straight fucking anymore.

The pleasure came faster than she'd expected, harder than she wanted it to, and filled her with contradicting feelings. She rocked against his hand, reaching down to press it harder against her. Feeling his cock soften and begin to slip free.

She turned to him again, wanting that contact despite the mess she'd made of things, but he leaned lower over her and whispered in her other ear.

"I was wrong before. I don't always want to see you come."

Her heart dropped to her knees and tears slipped from her eyes. Her orgasm washed over her as she cried, pain and pleasure battling it out for dominance. The pleasure was different from usual and she knew why. He wasn't with her in it. She was on that bed in the dark, drifting on a sea of loneliness, and Shunsui was no longer there to shield her from it.

She was free.

Clenching around him, losing even that as he slid out of her, she tried to be happy that she'd no longer allow a man to shape her into who she was. She'd no longer be stunted by the person she loved to the extent that she lived for him more than herself.

She tried to be happy as she dropped to the bed, still quivering, but she was also sobbing.

Being alone hurt.

Kurosaki-kun had messed her up. Falling in love during the most formative years in a young girl's life hadn't turned out well for her. She'd fallen in love and shaped herself around Kurosaki-kun to the point where she hadn't grown into a strong, independent woman. She'd depended on him and allowed herself to be the damsel in distress.

She wasn't that girl anymore, and she never would be again.

And yet, she wanted Shunsui to hold her, to tell her that it was going to be all right. She wanted him to press her wet face against his chest and wrap his arms around her. All the things she wanted to say to him--I love you, I'm terrified, I'm losing me again, I don't want to go back to being alone, I can't stay, I need you, I love you, I love you so much--hung suspended on her lips, waiting to be pushed out, but all she managed was, "I'm s-- sorry," whispered through her tears. Lying on her side, she curled her legs up to her stomach.

Shunsui shifted and she felt the covers drop over her, then he climbed in behind her, stroking her hair. "So am I."


End file.
